


Seven Days With You

by Ereri_Freak



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Badass Mikasa Ackerman, College Student Eren Yeager, German Eren Yeager, I have to life, Multi, POV Eren Yeager, aot - Freeform, ereri, riren - Freeform, snk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:30:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ereri_Freak/pseuds/Ereri_Freak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you take another step, I'll jump!" He shouted, gripping the rail.</p>
<p>I didn't move, risking his life, because I knew that he had been through so much that his head was clouded with something more like fear.</p>
<p>"All you've ever done is hurt me, I can't do this anymore."</p>
<p>I stayed silent, knowing that every word he had said was true. I was good for nothing, just to hurt everyone who dared get closer to me, and everyone else had either died or tortures me for being a brat that shouldn't even be here in this world. Turning around, I walked slowly away from him, keeping my head down. The last time I've ever seen his face was before the accident, and now I'll never be able to touch him.</p>
<p>He didn't say another word, and I knew he was thinking about how much he hated me, not how much I had endured and kept from him because I didn't want to add more problems to his burdens, but I stopped when two arms lunged around my waist, and a face rested against my back, I knew this feeling, but had been to stubborn to notice when I could've had this every day of my life.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Eren."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'd Take You Back in Time

**Author's Note:**

> This will most likely be a short fic, ranging around ten chapters? I might change that, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I won't leave it on a happy ending, so yea. I need to focus on my other fics, not start a new one, but what the hell.

In a world where he doens't exist hurts me too much to handle. I have to keep living, because that's what he wanted from me, and I don't want to disappoint him.

Snow came drifting down, while it sprinkled the [magnolia](http://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/1/snow-capped-magnolia-tree-blossoms-2-andee-photography.jpg) trees, scattered about the campus. Everything that he had wanted, but never had gotten the chance to see. I didn't want to let him down by not finishing my senior year, the third anniversary of his death. I want him to be able to see through my eyes, so he can now see what beauties he never got to experience in his own timeline.

Small chatter flew through the area, young people whispering about me, because everyone knew by this time, it was pretty hard to miss. I only had one thing left of him, in physical form, I mean. A single picture that I kept tucked safely around my neck, looped around another chain, that one holding a brass key, while his was a single locket, held by a pair of silver wings. I knew that he'd want to fly with me, and I had thought that when I saw it hanging up in the jewelry store, while I was trying to pick something out for my sister.

He was always so pale, no matter how often I'd drag him out to the ocean, where he'd stay under the shade and sulk for the majority of the trip.

Thin lips and steel eyes, only to be reversed by his amazing smile that I would occasionally see, only myself. Whipped up hair that would just naturally fall over his forehead, that always held his signature glare, one that I had been fortunate enough to get when I first met him. I wish I had been able to see him in a peaceful state, because the only photo I have, and the only memories I have, are of him giving off a cheeky smirk or just his unnerving smile. I wish that I had been able to see him asleep without that frown, because I knew he was happier without chains of his past life holding him down anymore.

It was nearing his birthday, and I suppose, Christmas, but ever since he came into my life, I'd only celebrate the day for him, because that was the only thing important to me.

And back then, that was all that mattered.

We had all been a careless bunch of kids, and I wish I would've looked around me at all the pain he was going through. Everyone had overlooked his sufferings at home, at work, in life in general. And it had come back to bite us reckless bunch in the heel, as a reality check, because happiness couldn't last long enough to see how important it is.

I wish I had paid more attention to the man whom I loved.

But now, he was gone, a mistake I could never just simply take back, because death was a playful thing. I wanted him back.

Time froze when the tow of us had been together, and I had not realized how much pain I had been causing him. But he never complained, because he didn't want to get in my way, and I wish he had.

The silver, cold metal connected with my index finger, playing around to the third digit, and I sighed without my consciousness aware of it, and the little wing flap flipped open, his cream colored skin penetrating the insides of my mind. I could never forget what he looked like, no matter how hard I'd try to rid him from my brain, my memories, my other half. I wanted sometimes to shed from it so badly, but I couldn't bring myself to cut our only connected string forever.

I needed to remember him, no matter how much pain I'd take on.

I don't want to forget.

At night, thoughts of him would always keep me up later than I wanted, and my mind kept busier than necessary while I was at school, not filled by equations or issues, only him. He'd do things to me that I could not begin to describe, and although he was no longer at the sink for me to come home to, I still had every single butterfly and piece of nervousness I had when I first met him. I didn't know it would end up like this.

I was sitting on the small bench, my height spread out so I'd attract a few questioning looks, but I didn't pay mind to anyone.

A small wing was clutched within my first finger and middle, but I wasn't looking at the locket, and I wasn't looking at the person inside of it, I was trying so badly to remember what his voice sounded like. I had no recordings of him and me together, neither of just him alone. I couldn't remember anymore, memories of my lover were all fading along with his presence.

Whispers of nights filled my consciousness, I remembered how we'd be so close and intimate. How much he'd take care of me, even though I should have been worrying about him, and what he was heaving upon his shoulders, while he held the world up around him, along with me. I was just another burden to his pile of weight.

Soft, white fluffs of the cold winter fell on my face, layered in my hair, and landed on the silver locket. If he was here, I would show him the winters here, but even if he was still living and breathing, he'd have refused to travel to Japan with me, although we would've had so much memories here together. I didn't mind in the least, because then, neither of us knew what was to happen.

If I could go back in time, even if only to just replay everything that had happened, I would do it in a heartbeat to see my lover again. The way his eyes softened slightly whenever I'd enter the room, and the way his lips would sometimes curl upwards. It was everything I fell in love with, the snarky attitude, the way he'd hold me in the comfort of his bed, it was all something I couldn't bring back, but I was glad I had done so when I had the chance.

If I couldn't get him back, then I'd have to join him.

Maybe some day.

Some day in the near future, I'd return to his side, but I had to first complete his goal, for the two of us. I needed to experience what it was like to hold all the weight of those surrounding you for a period of time, and then I could return to him.

Return to my lover.

I knew he was waiting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the whole first chapter was mostly a HUGE spoiler? But you now know what to expect, of course, enjoy the gay. All in Eren's perspective, and I honestly have no idea whatsoever where this fic might lead me, but I think I'll stick to it more because of the lack of length I'm planning on. A possible ten to fifteen chapter lil thing? Maybe? I don't know, so just bear with me if I end it at five chapters or thirty. And trust me, this fic will have its happy moments, I'll try to create a connection well enough.
> 
> BTW: I'VE NEVER BEEN TOO COMMITED ABOUT A STORY SO THIS'LL PROBABLY END IN LIKE THREE CHAPTERS OR SHIT.

_1: I'd Like to Stop Time._

 

The little corner booth occupied a small man with dark, black hair. An undercut fell from his head, and bangs grew long enough so that they could hide the eyes of the man who was sipping on a cup of tea. I've been away for three years, so I assumed that customers here would change, I just didn't really want them to.

Making my way to the seat where the man sat, he glanced up at me, but then quickly turned his gaze back down to the table. When I sat down across from him, he grunted and tried to shoo me out.

"Oi, brat, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Sitting." A playful smirk lined my lips, and his were set in a straight line, the outs of his pale lips turning white.

Everything about him was pale, which contrasted very well against his raven dark hair. His eyes were silver, and if you looked hard enough, a tint of blue could be seen, but I shouldn't be trying to stare at someone this much. My eyes flicked up and down, when he wasn't looking at me, I'd try to steal a glance at the raven. His lips were pale and thin, but not dry in the least. His eyes supported large and dark bags from lack of sleep under them, and his face was hollowed out, almost as you've just seen a ghost. But he was substantial, and wouldn't fade with the wind that would knock an infant over. I could see it in the way he'd glare at me, or the way he had brought a sense of class with him. The world seemed to stop whenever I'd be able to linger on him, and his cold eyes caught me in the act, strangling my sense of speech.

"How long have you been coming here?" I tried to start a conversation.

"Two years." As always, his answer was cut short, staying distant and abrupt when I thought I'd finally broken in and allowed myself some answers and a more comfortable conversation.

"Do you like spending time here?"

"Very much."

"Do you have many friends?"

There was a subtle pause before he answered, but it was noticeable enough to be caught, as much as he'd try to cover it up later on, "No."

I smiled, while my fingers lightly tapped on the cold wood of the table, "Would you like to be my friend, then?"

"I have a feeling you're trying to get me to do something more than just a friendly talk, I don't want friends."

Pouting, I peeled my eyes from his protruding cheekbones. "Well, think about it."

"No thanks, brat."

"You're no fun."

"I'm not supposed to be fun."

"Would you like to take a walk with me?"

"What would that include?" His eyebrows arched, and he brought the cup to his lips while he waited for a response.

"That you'd be my friend."

"No."

"Aw, come on! Just one night!" I held up my index finger, my head sinking into the table while I tried to plead him.

I don't think it worked, but he didn't push me off as he had done before. When I heard the soft rustling from in front of me, I stole a glance, seeing him pull on his jacket and grab his drink. A small frown was placed on his face as he waited for me to react, and I did.

I smiled.

His eyes lightened a bit, only a bit, but I was already making progress.

I already knew where I'd take him, as he'd already said that he'd been coming for two years, I could only hope that he wouldn't have already gone and seen where I'd take him. As a kid, I had always visited the coastline frequently, and found some interesting places where I could always rely on as an escape from my father. One was a small pier, that led across the end tails of a small beach, and then entered an area that was hidden from sight by the overgrowth of grass, that you could stay overnight. It held a shelter for your worries, and washed away any doubts. I hoped to show him the same sights I've experienced when I was a kid.

"Could I get your name?"

"Not until I'm satisfied with wherever you're taking me. Otherwise, I'll leave in an instant's notice."

"Okay, fine, grumps."

"I'm not that bad."

"Oh yea? Listen to yourself." I chuckled, and his glare darkened.

"Sorry, this is how I always am."

"I can see that much."

"Where are we going?"

"Hm, you'll just have to see!"

"Tch, shitty brat."

 I didn't reply, but dragged him out of the small café by the wrist, where the walk would start, only a few miles from here.

"While you put up with this brat, how about I get to know you a little?" I indirectly insulted myself, while jabbing my thumb in the direction where we'd be going, I offered an attempt at an ice breaker.

"I'm 28, I live alone, I quit high school during my senior year, my friends are dead, and my uncle is going to kill me, allowing me to stay out too late with a shitty brat like you."

I ignored the compliment, and started to ramble on about, well, everything. "I'm 17, going into my freshman year of college, my best friend is going into his third year, training to be a doctor, and my mother's dead."

"Guess we have at least one thing in common."

"Hm?"

"Nothing."

We were getting closer to the entrance of the beach, and then a little walk father out would lead us to the pier.

I was so much younger than him, but even though I know knew his age, nothing felt any more uncomfortable or awkward than it had beforehand. I wanted to get to know the man in the coffee shop better, and maybe turn his frown into a happy smile. If nothing else, I'd just want him to feel comfortable around me, and I wanted to be his friend.

"Do you have any siblings?" I asked, looking over to the shorter man, and realized how much he lacked in height, compared to me. But it suited him nicely, adding to the effect that he gave off.

"Two."

"Can I hear about them?"

"They were both killed, two years ago. That's when I moved here."

"Death won't give them back."

"Fucking poetic brat."

I chuckled, and subconsciously stepped closer to the man, and I think he didn't back up, instead allowed me to continue to talk.

"I live alone with my sister, Mikasa, and my father."

"Is she nice?"

"Yes, when she's not over freaking out about everything, it's just that she likes to try to protect me. I guess she does have her reasons."

"What about your father?"

"He changed."

"Your mother?"

"She was very nice, and back when she was alive, we were all living as a happy family."

I stopped, and the man slowed beside me. "We're here."

The pier had aged a bit from the last time I visited it here, and some of the wood was chipping away. But it looked sturdy enough, so I held the raven's hand as I dragged him on behind me.

When I had my back facing away from him, so I could watch his every move, I saw the way his eyes softened as he took in his surroundings. The waves from a bit farther off were giving off a steady rhythm, the beating of my heart so loud that I thought it added to the music of the ocean. I didn't know that the man in front of me was undertaking the same experience, his heart a beating drum, echoing through his ears, while he tried to push back the river of feelings rushing back into his head.

Pulses of nervousness rushed through my blood, while I tried to steady any unease, because I knew that it would all turn out all right once we got to the end. Although the journey there could, on days when the wind turned the driftwood round, and when the clouds threatened us, the end would always bear fruit. Just as it had every time I came here as a kid, I knew that feeling would never subside from my core. I knew I was adding it to the raven's life, and I had no shame in doing so.

I wanted him to be able to experience everything.

"Beautiful." the man in front of my uttered through breathy words, as his frown disappeared, and was replaced by a straight line, showing neutrality in his emotions.

I smiled, and his gaze lingered a second too long with mine.

He smiled back at me.

A waterfall of thoughts rushed through me, I didn't know what made me feel this way, but I knew I never wanted it to stop. I wanted him to smile once more, but I knew I was just being greedy now. One was good enough, I thought.

My heart pounded through the cage which held it in, and when I pulled him by the hand again, taking him along, a sense of electricity flooded my brain from the contact with the male. I have never in three years felt so happy with the adrenaline pumping through me, because this time it wasn't because of the needle about to penetrate my skin, it wasn't from running my whole life, it was because I was surrounding myself in happiness, being along with someone else. It was something I had envied from people walking along the streets, holding the one they loved so close.

I finally had it.

"Levi."

"Eh?" I knew what he meant, and I felt happy, knowing he was satisfied with the place I had taken him.

"My name," his eyes rolled upwards in a playful manner, "my name is Levi."

"I'm Eren, Levi." I held his hand as we both stopped, both looking into the other's eyes, and time froze for the two of us. He broke first, and a small smile lifted from his steady and straight line that was placed on his lips, and his skin seemed to glow.

"C'mon, we're almost there." I was slightly disappointed that we couldn't stay in that position forever, my hand holding onto his, and his smile penetrating any depressing thought that lingered in my throat.

But I knew that I had made an impact on the man, the man in the coffee shop. The man who had finally smiled.

 


	3. Chapter 3

_2: Kerosene Dreams_

 

I looked over to my left, seeing Levi's eyes glaze over when he saw the ocean from upon the small hill, covered over by the grasses. Everything was just perfect.

"Why did you quit school?" His breath didn't falter, so I knew that it was safe to venture out in this topic.

"Sometimes, life just gets in the way."

"What would have you've majored in?"

"English. I've always been interested in literature and the meanings behind poems and simple stories."

"That seems cool." I didn't know what to really say, because I haven't actually been thinking about what I might do when I go off to college. I knew that would be next summer, and I'd need to do something, but if nothing worked, I'd go into medical, just like my dad. Not that I'd want to be my dad.

"What are you going to do, brat?" His face turned towards me, his eyes with a knowing look that was now full of compassion and something that I could not describe, for I have never once experienced that emotion before, and with the look on Levi's face, he hadn't either. But at least he was trying.

"I.. I'm going to do what my dad had done, get a medical degree."

"You don't sound satisfied on that."

"Jeez, you can just read right through me, can't you?" I chuckled, and looked out to the crashing waves. White foam filled the beach and then only to disappear once more, receding back into the ocean.

"Well, what would you do- if you could do anything?"

"Hm... Honestly, I don't know." As much as I tried thinking more about it, nothing popped up in my head.

"You know finals are just around the corner."

"Yea, but I don't know what I'm doing with my life."

"You'll figure it out."

"I hope so."

I leaned back on my hands, and as Levi did the same, I felt his fingertips touch mine. Welcoming the warmth, my hand rested on top of his, a steady beat of my heart pounding from my ribcage. If he could hear it's noise, which I was sure he could, I would be humiliated.

"Would you like to go to dinner with me? I mean, not today, or tonight, or tomorrow, I mean-" I tried to stop my mouth from talking further, but it continued to do so anyways.

"That would be fine, brat." Levi smirked, and my heart dropped, and I thought I could die of a heart attack right here. I didn't know why this man made me feel this way, but I've never once felt this warmth before in my body, and now I can't stop feeling it. And I don't want to stop feeling it ever.

"Really?"

"Tch, don't make me repeat myself."

"Okay, sorry." I shot him a sheepish grin. "Does tomorrow night at eight work?"

"...Sure." I was hesitant, mainly because of the way Levi didn't respond as quickly as he normally would've. I didn't want to get in the way of his family or anything planned already.

"And you don't mind?"

"Not at all."

"How about the café that we were at earlier?"

"That sounds good, actually."

"Okay, it's a date."

Our eyes locked at the same moment, and the both of us stared into the other's for as long as I could remember, but eventually, I had to withdraw myself and get home.

If I wanted to keep my sanity around him, I'd have to stop the staring and just try to keep him out of my every thought. I never once had so many things running through my head about one single person before, what was this new feeling?

A cold breeze drifted our way from the vast ocean waves, and a few birds were heard calling to another, while the whole atmosphere was given a new feeling. It wasn't the same as it had been when I was once a small child that visited to escape. It made me feel wanted, it washed away any fears, and it drew me toward the raven sitting next to me. A warmth that had been hiding since my mother died filled me as our hands were clasped together, the both of us watching the sea draw closer to the ledge.

The waters seemed to sparkle and glisten as the fading sunlight reflected off of it. The sky was painted a golden yellow, with a hint of strawberry, as the gray clouds finally began to spread away. I didn't know why I felt like we were the only two people in the whole world, but it certainly felt like that. It was amazing.

Even though it was around the end of fall and it had already snowed once, I couldn't feel the cold as it penetrated through the jacket I wore, or the wind blow through my hair as it whipped it around, yet all I felt was the warmth from nowhere that seeped through me like a drug that I could never get enough of.

"Does this mean that you're my friend?" I shot him a daring question, and was replied by a scoff of annoyance.

"I suppose so." His voice was quiet, too quiet, and I squeezed the hand wrapped up in my own slightly, hoping to give him reassurance. I don't know whether it made him feel any more unease or gave him a calm feeling, like I had planned on. Either way, his face tightened up and a small frown replaced the neutral line of his lips.

I didn't try to change it, because I didn't want to mess up as I had just done. Although I wasn't aware of what I had done to change his attitude, it went away fairly quickly, although I could still see some left over pain lingering in his eyes.

I don't know what I had done to upset him.

Trying to get another conversation started, instead of the uneasy silence that had settled in between us, I spoke again, trying to keep my voice steady, "When's your birthday?"

"December 25th." I just realized that he had gone back to the stoic man from the coffee shop, and that his tone of response returned to the way he had shooed me off earlier in the day. I tried to ignore it, but a feeling of disappointment set in me, but I don't know what had changed to cause him to act this way.

"That's close, do you want anything?"

"..." He paused, his eyes flicking my direction without his head moving. "Not really."

"Then what about for Christmas?"

"I don't want anything from a brat."

I couldn't reply to that, it had just been to strong of a sting to the pain growing in my chest, restricting me to breath until I had resolved this issue floating around in Levi's head.

"You need to tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong."

"But you just seemed to open up to me, and now you're closing off again!" Our hands had at some point drifted from each other.

"You damn brat."

"Just tell me what's wrong, Levi!"

"I can't be your friend."

"Hm?"

"You don't get it, Eren! I can't be your friend b-because.."

"Why?" I questioned, but got silence in return.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Then help me to!" I was getting desperate, I didn't want to lose someone who caused me to feel this way. I couldn't lose someone like Levi. No, I couldn't lose Levi.

My desperation faded when he did nothing, he didn't respond, and he didn't try to say anything.

I looked once more over to the raven, and his head was hung, while he looked at my leg, staring through it almost, I didn't know whether he was mad or upset. Either one, I didn't know how to deal with it.

His head lifted, and steel, blue eyes caught onto mine, while his lips, thin and frail, parted open slightly. After a few seconds of anticipation, I gave up and turned away, but a steady hand brought my gaze to look back into those beautiful eyes.

"Maybe I'm just afraid of change, maybe I'm afraid of taking the first move." His voice was lowered and eventually faded off, so quiet that I needed to strain every muscle to hear him.

I didn't need to wait this time, because the hand that supported my chin rubbed across the bottom bone, up to my lips that had parted subconsciously. I didn't know what he was thinking by looking into the pool of his eyes, although I saw something that I had not seen or experienced since my mother had died, the same look he had earlier today. I didn't know whether it was a good or bad thing.

Although, I got my answer soon enough to have time to ponder the thought and further. His face drew nearer, and soft lips meshed together with mine, parting me open with warm and welcoming lips. Everything had frozen, and my brain didn't have enough time to realize what was happening until he had pulled away, a disappointed look sewn into his eyes, his frown, the way his eyebrows furrowed together. I didn't have time to stop him when he stood up and slowly walked away, down the pier that he had memorized when he came with me.

It was too late when my brain finally was back to its functioning self and had processed what had just happened, the taste of lavender still lingering on them, but the lips to whom they belonged to had long since gone, and I was left here wondering why my heart was beating so fast still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Levi, friend zoned.


	4. Chapter 4

_3: I'd Like to Break Free From These Chains_

 

My hands twirled together next to each other on the steering wheel, while I waited for the light to turn. My dad wouldn't be happy to see me, he never is, but I continue to return to the hole he dug, just for me. He doesn't treat my sister like the way he does to me, although she was adopted and my mother adored her. She also loved me, but I don't know why my sister is now the one to be pampered, while I'm the house slave.

But everything was in its proper order, and I was used to coming home to a bucket and mop, to clean the basement out for my dad's experiments- most of them he used me as a test subject for. Everything was torture, but I had grown used to it, since my mother died.

But the raven was something special, although I could still feel the tingling from his lips on mine, I hadn't kissed back, although now, I suppose I would have. even though I hadn't known the man for more than two hours, I still thought he was cute. Picturing him with a frown on his face while he was a kid had to have been one of the most adorable things my mind had come up with, and I was looking forward to the date tomorrow, although I didn't know whether he'd show after my half rejection earlier. It hadn't been a rejection, I thought, he just surprised me.

Maybe I'd be able to sneak away tonight and buy something for him tomorrow. Or maybe I'm trying to pamper him, for what reason? I have no clue, but I still felt drawn to the man.

His raven colored hair, with bangs that were tamed to fall on his forehead. Now that I thought more about him, I remember him smelling like lavender and the lemon smell that comes with most cleaning products. He must love to clean. Either that, or his house is a mess and he's forced to, which I highly doubt. He seemed to be a very orderly man, with everything in place, just where he needs it. But when that façade drops, he seems to be a really nice guy, and I wanted so badly for him to be able to look at me with the expression he held all of earlier today.

A car horn beeped behind me, startling me out of my thoughts. As I caught up with the rest of traffic, I thought about the ring on my forefinger, a single golden band. It wasn't marriage, or a promise ring, more of a memory ring. Two years ago, my best friend had died in an accident that killed so many people. Afterwards, it seemed like an accident, but it was probably set up, by others who hated the company.

I had to agree with them, because the people running the company had been very controlling and ruled over the rest of the workers like they were the kings.

But I wasn't so happy when my friend pursued the man in the business, and then joined in himself. He had been head over heels in love, and hadn't looked around to see that he was only being used and played with. And I wasn't happy when they both died, my best friend, and his lover.

Part of me at the time wanted to kill everyone behind the accident, and then rip out the throat of the head staff committee at the business's headquarters, but my sister had stopped me from that fate. I had to thank her now; the business was now out of commission, because they had been tracked down for the accident, and all the other things they did.

My house was only a few blocks away, and there was a small bar downtown. I'm sure my dad can wait for me a bit longer, it's not like he's one to call me because he's worried sick over me. I wish he was one of those protective parents who always babied all of their children, but only my sister got that treatment.

I parked over near the sidewalk, and went inside to order a sandwich, or something along those lines, but there wasn't a single light on inside. Everything had been shut down, and there was also a sign that offered the building for sale, which angered me slightly. For the three years I've been studying abroad, more like moving for my father's studies, things sure had changed, stores, occupants, taxes, travel, my favorite places to hide, abandoned for the years that nobody had cared to take care of them. Everything was slipping out of my once firm grip, I felt like I was now a foreigner from another country, just another German kid who couldn't speak the language without a slight accent, although I grew up in this country. I felt like there was now a solid wall separating me from the population that grew up here for their whole lives, and never once thought of moving from this blissful state. But things change.

But I knew one thing, I was still welcomed by some people, those who had not known be beforehand, and those who had, and had loved me. But that wasn't many people.

Except for a certain raven who had refused to give me his name, until I think he finally was happy with being at the beach hideaway with me. I don't know if he just fell in love with the feeling of being so high and free, or being with me, but he certainly told me his name. And it was beautiful- no, everything about him was beautiful, if I had just a little more time to study him better. I wonder if he still hated me, or if he had even hated me to start with.

But we had a date set for tomorrow at eight, and for once, I was actually looking forward to meeting up with somebody I barely even knew. I just wanted to clear the 'stranger' level with him, and be able to talk without not knowing when the other would immediately shut down and grow a cold shoulder to you. But, if that ever did happen, I'd only break him further more than he was broken, because that's what everyone had said about me in Germany. I broke people's spirits.

Winter was approaching, and the first storm had already broke out, the remnants of dripping snow from roofs, and melting snowmen in front of housing with small children, or patches of snow still to be thawed on large patches of land, out in the open.

Over the signs of the stores, there was a small layering of snow, on stop signs, on top of cars, everywhere was almost white.

But it was hardly cold in the least, despite white snow still covering the grounds, the weather had warmed up a bit, allowing people to strip from their heavy coats and replace them with light fleeces. I wish everything and everyone wasn't so distant, because then it may be slightly easier to read what they are thinking and what they all expect from me, but with my dad, with Levi, my sister, when my mother was alive, I could never tell, they all made it seem all so easy to fit into being a happy family, but I never felt there. Everything they thought I was capable of doing, I wasn't. I couldn't carry out a simple task of watching my sister when my parents were out, and I couldn't protect my mother when she decided to die. I couldn't do anything properly. It all faded around me, and then stopped to go around me, like I wasn't ever here, never part of the family, and never part of existence.

The darkness was taking the place of the sun slowly, but it was coming. And if I didn't have an explanation for my being late, then I'd never see food for another month. I don't know how I've lived to this point in my life, I thought that nobody wanted or cared for me, so then why am I still here? Nothing had its reasoning, but I didn't want to burn out yet.

Everyone had expected me to die within the first couple hours of my life, but I proved them fucking wrong. My mother had never been stable, let's say, and my father had never loved her as she loved me, and when she died, he never gave a single attempt to care for me in her place. I miss her.

But I also hate how much I now look like my dad when he was younger, and the only thing I had really inherited from my mother was her eyes, and maybe if you looked hard enough, some of her odd traits that died young, such as never catching a cold or a fever until I was thirteen, and being immune to poison oak, along with being able to hold my breath under water for more than two minutes. But old habits die young, they say- I don't fucking know what it is supposed to mean, but recently, I am very sensitive to this time in winter, when I catch colds the most, and I have an allergic reaction to bee stings, although I've never been stung by one since I moved to Germany.

But then I met the man in the coffee shop, and something lit underneath the coverings of old and new pains from living with my father and sister, and throughout school in Germany, let me tell you, it wasn't something for the weak in soul. But he had caused some part of me to find a new way to live, and reason not to die in any single from possible when the opportunity might occur. I just want to go back to the empty feeling and sink deep into the depths of the hardened mattress that I had been handed when my other one was from a junkyard, and had broken down a few years before.

I wish that the problems in my shoulders would have just died with me when I was born, still too weak and not ready yet to come out. But I had survived, and now look how far that had gotten me.

Off the main road, there were small breakdown patches on the sides of the bumpy pavement, and other areas where there were no safety rails, but only a pit below, waiting for some unlucky fellow to fall in and die. That didn't sound too bad.

There was no more safety railing when I took a chance in life, and everything I did could greatly affect others and myself later on the course to live a happy life, which for me, could never happen as long as my father was still harboring me under his dreaded roof. Maybe I shouldn't have asked Levi to go out with me, maybe I shouldn't have striked him with a conversation, and maybe I shouldn't have come back from Germany. I should have stayed with my mother when she was still alive, and I should've stayed with my sister when I was asked to, and I should've been less careless and try to do something with my life, then maybe my father wouldn't look at me with such disgust whenever I'd try to hide from him. Maybe everyone thought I was some helpless kid who had to point of living and had no future ahead of them, but I could always try to hope.

I knew what I wanted to do with the next half of my life, but I could never actually do it. When Levi asked me whether or not I really wanted to be a doctor, I thought no, I wanted to become someone who was an astronomer, or somebody who could study the skies for the rest of their lives, but everyone would shun me as much and more than they do already. But I can't keep quiet and to myself all the time, I need somebody or just free time from everyone when I can ramble on about everything that my mind can think to, and not be criticized about my opinions, maybe I already had somebody who I just looked over. My sister could understand me easily, and I'm sure she wouldn't try to tell me against my dreams, but she might reject the option of me ever going off to college after I told her, but I didn't care. I'd tell her tonight, and no matter how the end results in, I'll keep at it until maybe somebody will understand me.

Everything went through my mind so fast, that I didn't notice the blearing horn from behind me, and I couldn't feel myself swerving off the course of the road through the darkness, and I didn't feel the impact of the ground smashing up against the side of the car, and glass breaking, worming its way into my skin. I didn't feel myself bleed, and I didn't notice when my eyes closed from exhaustion. I didn't know where I was either.

-

Bright lights. Short beeps.

Wires running through my arms, tape wrapped around the forearm parts.

Soft whispers that grew louder when I gained consciousness.

Everything came back to me in small pieces.

I remember falling, then darkness. Opening my eyes, I didn't see anything but darkness, the same black that welcomed me hours after my birth, the same darkness that would splatter my vision when flames danced up my arms and legs, the same darkness that greeted me when I fell into the cavern of grass. My head was throbbing, and everything wasn't where it should be. For starters, nothing had color, and nothing had shape to it. Everything was enveloped by the darkness surrounding me. It was comforting to know one thing in this foreign place, which from everything going on around me, I could make out as a hospital. I didn't know what my dad would think when he saw the bill in his hands, but I couldn't care any less. I wanted to see him work extra hours, neglect us even more, maybe even cross a country border or two just to escape from us as he had done before on a countless amount of times.

I watched him suffer as my mother died, and then I saw him grow into a cold-hearted man once she passed. I watched him pamper my sister, all the while I was shoved under the sink, breathing in all the toxins from cleaning supplies and bleach, once my hand even grabbed a bottle of the death water. It tasted horrible, but I didn't die. I wanted to die then so badly, just to get out of the box I was in.

It had been dark and musty, all I could really remember of it was that I was a very frequent visitor, while my sister was oblivious of my sufferings while my father would take her to dances, sport festivals, school conventions; I wonder if she ever knew of what he did to me. Probably not.

"Sir, can you tell me your name and where you live?" A fading voice shook me from the trance I was falling desperately into, and I groaned in effort to prop myself up.

"Eren Jeager, I live, uhm... I can't tell you that." Oh, I live in a crappy house, and my father is never around.

"Good enough," the voice continued, and a soft scribbling was heard, "You might suffer from temporary blindness, and while you stay here for another night, we are giving you blood injections. We need consent from a guardian to go any further, though, so if you could tell me a name-?"

"I'll give myself consent then, I think I'm old enough to support myself." My father beats me, he doesn't give a fuck whether I'd die the following day, and he'd never allow something like this to happen where it might cost him a pretty fortune, but I wanted him to see how hard life could be, taking care of your own blood and bones child, not some girl who your dead wife adopted and you now give her everything the world wants to give her.

"Sir, we do need a guardian-"

"No, you don't. Just continue what you were doing, and I'll bill him later."

"That is not possible, we could be shut down for taking this operation a step further without anyone who is older than twenty-one, that can give permission for the rest of the work." The voice in my head said Levi, but I shook it away, no need to get him involved in this shit.

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, you lost a lot of blood from the accident, and you hit your head, breaking the connection between the nerves that run from your brain to your sight, but that will only be temporary. We'll give you a couple more bags of blood, and then you'll need a couple days to recover."

"I feel fine- what day is it?" I said, panicking. If I had not forgotten about the date with Levi, I would've been fine with sleeping the day through.

"You've only been here overnight since your accident."

"Oh, thank god. I have somewhere I need to be today, and I feel fine, honestly, so please let me go."

A sigh was heard, and I waited for the nurse to break the silence. "Fine, just come back here tonight, and we'll go ahead and give you the blood injections."

"Cool."

"We do need somebody though to be able to assist you where you need to be, you are kind of... Blind."

"I know that, but I'll be fine- actually, can somebody here drive me a little out?"

"I don't think that'll be much of a problem."

I cracked a small and goofy smile, while sitting awkwardly in the stiff hospital bed. Maybe I'd be able to get to the café in time after all. But what if Levi didn't want to see me? Then I'd have to deal with his cranky ass the whole time, because I'd been looking forward to today too much to just let him slip away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't mind the infrequency of the updates coming, I'll try to keep them all within a two day range, but I can't promise anything. Also, feedback is really appreciated, I love to know if you like this story, if I should keep going, what ideas I could use, and how I can improve! Don't feel shy, constructive criticism is always open for me, you won't really be able to hurt my inspiration no matter how hard you'd try. I'm also working on this on Wattpad, (self promotion, no shame: same username) but not updating as often, so feel free to check out some other works that I've done.

_4: I'd Miss Nothing For You_

 

My hands trembled as they clutched onto the sides of the cold car handles, as my eyes squeezed shut, a possible way of children to find comfort from storms at night. It didn't work though; I just wanted to be able to see what was happening around me, although the driver would occasionally give me an update on our location when I asked, it didn't reassure me. For all I knew, he could be taking me to a cliff to drive off of, I wouldn't know until I died from the impact either way. But no matter where I'd be heading, I hoped that Levi wouldn't think I'd tried to stand him up, because I had been looking forward to this 'date' as much as he might have been, but then I was forced to be late because of, well, you know. My accident.

I had a trickle of hope that he had waited for me, although the sun was 'setting,' as I had been informed by the so wonderful driver, escorting me to a date that I should've been at a couple hours ago. At least that's what he told me.

When the car slowed, my eyebrows furrowed. We were supposed to be on the highway, so why would there be any stoplights? There certainly shouldn't be any, and the way that I heard a frustrated growl from beside me, panic shot up my spine, forcing small hairs to stick up on my arms. "Where are we?"

"The car just broke down."

"Dammit." My disappointment was clear, because the driver tried to offer some comforting words, but it didn't work. What if we were stuck here forever? What would happen if I didn't know where we were, and the driver left without me because he thought I was some nuisance? I would never know, because all I felt was warm liquid running down my cheek, and if I had not known better, I wouldn't have broken down right then and there, but I hardly knew that I was doing it. Sure, I was conscious of my movement, sounds around me, all telling me what was happening. But not being able to see, it scared me. If anything dangerous was to come around, I'd be the first thing to be abandoned, and then everyone else would run without my foots following behind. I was truly a bother.

"Don't worry, I'll call a tow." His voice didn't sound too sure of himself, but I knew he was just trying to reassure himself along with me. And I knew neither of us felt any better after the words were spoken. A small beep of his fingers taping along the screen glowing for only his eyes to see penetrated into my ears, and I wished I'd be able to see Levi again. I knew I wasn't getting my vision back again, and I was honestly fine with that, unless that meant not being able to see his beautiful eyes or face, never able to see what I want to touch.

I'd find a way to live with it.

Trying to find his face in the empty memories of him, only being a couple days, popped up in my mind. Soft and thin lips, steel eyes that I would force myself to remember no matter how much I might go through in the next year, pale and deathly white skin, hollowed out skin, but all fitting his appearance and didn't look outplaced at all, and the dark locks of hair that fell perfectly on his forehead. Now that I think about it, I realize how lucky I had been to be able to have the honor of him talking to me in a almost friendly way.

When I thought of the stoic man in the coffee shop, I could fit him perfectly in with his looks, but he wasn't too bad once you got to know him a little, dig under his hardened skin of his.

When I thought we were out in the middle of nowhere, I was correct. It took two hours for some guy to get the truck, and another half hour to have him drive us to the nearest bus stop. Public transit was not something I was very fond of, especially now. People always crammed together, bodies pressing up against another because of the lack of space compared to how many people were allowed on in one route. When you got off, the driver would take your ticket, and then you would have to jump down two feet of empty space, then let your feet meet with the ground. Once that happened, I would feel better, but nobody would take care in helping me off when I couldn't even see where I was going. I might as well jump headfirst out a window- actually, no. I'd feel that, and sense when I bumped into a seat, but still, you should understand my point.

The driver that had done a shit job at escorting me offered to help me get on and off, and around the bustling ticket booths, but I didn't need sympathy from somebody who had clearly been paid to drop me off at the café, then leave me to my own devices. They didn't care what could happen to me once left unsupervised, but I did have a small chance of seeing Levi, and if not, then I'd be pretty screwed. No way to get back home, no way to see where I could walk home, no way of actually going home, and if by some miracle that I got home safely, my dad would end up killing me.

I hoped that Levi could forgive me for missing our date tonight. Everything was going so wrong, I knew I wouldn't make it in time, and I knew he would've gone home after a hopeful hour of being stood up. I knew he already was rejected, and this could just as well act like another rejection. But I didn't hate him, and I didn't want him to stay out of my life, and I didn't want him to stop being Levi. I wanted to see him as the cold and potty-mouthed man I knew firsthand, and I wanted him to forget all about me, so that I wouldn't have to drag him into all this mess of my life.

But at the same time, I wanted him to remember, to stay awake at night because of it. I wanted him to let down his barrier for me, and then when and if I ever got the chances to see him once more time, I'd make sure to leave him so he doesn't hate my guts for it.

"Okay, we're getting on the bus now. Just hold my arm." The driver said, and I felt something bony jab into my hand, which ended up being his elbow. I took it, and gingerly stepped up whenever he told me to, trying to stay as close to his side as possible; the isle's are not very open- and usually, you'd end up standing in the middle of the walkway because of the over capacity they let on. "You're almost done, just a couple more steps."

I did as I was told, and wacked my toe onto a metal connected to the seat, most likely, and tried to hold in the muffled screeches of pain as I had not judged how fast my foot was swinging forward, resulting in a hit that was probably equivalent to tossing a stone onto it from a couple meters up. Either way, the man beside me shoved me forward when I slowed, curling my toes up in the shoe, trying to keep my face as emotionless as possible.

"E-excuse me, sir, are you having trouble?" A new voice speaks to me, and my head twists downward, where the sound had come from, as I 'tched' them off.

"No, I'm fucking peachy."

"W-well.." It was a girl's voice, and she sounded nervous as she tried not to anger me more, although that couldn't be helped; everyone would piss me off right now. "Um.. Here, you can have my seat."

"Geez, thanks for pitying me." I said sarcastically, rolling my head, but sat down in the offered seat when the escort shoved me downwards. Thanks for being gentle with me, thanks a lot. I wanted to scream at everyone to stop treating me like a newborn infant who could not walk or talk, only scream and cry. As much as I might look it, I was certainly not helpless.

"I'm sorry." The girl's voice said quietly, and then I heard nothing else from her- which comforted me. At least she could take a hint.

My phone buzzed in my pocket- I don't know how it had survived the accident, but they found it in the car when somebody dragged me out. My escort took it from my open hands, and answered the call for me.

"Hello?" He started, dragging the syllables out, "Oh, no. I don't know where he is. Who am I? Just a friend."

The same girl from earlier now spoke up again, and as much as I wanted to just slap her face, I didn't. First, I didn't know where that might be, and second, I would look like a complete jerk and fool as everyone else would stare and start to whisper about me. Not like that was anything new. "I can help you get off the bus if you'd like, I saw how much you were struggling earlier."

"No," I snapped, "you'll only make things worse, please just get off my case."

Silence followed, and I shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweater. Well, not all my sweater, I had bought it in the hospital's gift shop. Even though it didn't have any symbols on it- at least that's what I was told- it was warm and welcoming in a weird way. Something that wouldn't go bad or escape me seconds later like everyone who would find out about my condition and then want nothing to do with me anymore than they already had.

My hair had been tangled up when I attempted to get out of the hospital, and ended up with my face on the cement outside. That's when everyone pegged me as helpless and hopeless, just another annoying kid who knew nothing and was completely stubborn enough to try to walk out in the middle of the street. How the hell was I supposed to know when a car came? Except for the slight whooshing, I would be completely oblivious, and nobody would really care enough to not pity me but still help me across. I knew they both meant pity, all ending up being the same, but somewhere in my crazed mind, I hoped that there could be some people who would understand how scary it was not being aware of your surroundings until something was practically on top of you, about to drive on your head, and not laugh at my boldness at trying to tend to myself. I didn't want to be helped around everywhere; I needed to be able to move on my own and be able to get around life. If not that, I'd rely on somebody who could relate to me, not some pathetic and hired nurse or escort who was already fed up enough with me, just to be forced to bring me around a bit more.

I knew I was a pain in the ass to take care of, let alone put up with me, but I would never understand that. I wanted to be normal again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proof-read this, so sorry for any typos


End file.
